Behind The Scenes

On the outside you might even consider me as a simple person. I never got in the drama that surrounded me. I don't find it amusing to gossip all the time about other people. Maybe that is why I know everybody's else's secrets, sometimes they tell me, yet most of the times I put the pieces together myself. I have no need to gossip, I already have amazing stories to tell, I don't have to make one up or tell somebody else's.
On the inside I am a complete mess. I wouldn't consider myself an open book, but it takes me longer to figure out my own feelings than it does for me to figure out other's. To communicate my feelings is an even bigger challenge. That is part of the reason I am a mess inside, because I could have felt  angry toward's someone three years ago and still feel that anger toward's them today.
It takes a lot for me to get fed up or angry with someone. When I do feel that a certain person is a jerk or annoying, I don't tell them that I don't like what they are saying. I hold it in! If the same person really reaches my limit I explode and scare people that thought I was to shy or nice to scream. It is not good to hold it in and explode, but the advantage of that is that they will never do whatever they were doing again.
I get taken advantage of, by people who know me, because it is so hard for me to reject any favor, or to be mean and not give other's what I have. This is good in a sense that I give to other's, but bad in a sense that I can't stop, it is so hard for me to say no. I am not telling you this so you will take advantage of me, I am telling you this because it feels great to get this off my chest.
I am now discovering my likes; dislikes; who I am; how I am to other's and how other's influence who I am. As I said before it is so hard for me to figure out how I feel about stuff, well now I have. So what better way to communicate it than writing it down on a piece of paper to let my pencil and God guide what I need to say.
This is me, behind the scenes.