Let It Go

Nine year old me

I was only nine years old when I moved here. It was the first time I felt completely alone. No cousins to play with, no friends to talk with. Sure I had my family and that was great, it just wasn't the same thing.

The hardest thing for me wasn't learning the language or the culture. It was letting go, letting go of all the people that were thousands of miles away, letting go of living in a small town, to living in an apartment in the city.

Just when I thought  my life couldn't change anymore, my Mom found out that she was pregnant. I love babies, but this was crazy, number five. Everything would be different, it wasn't going to be the CC's and EE's, it was going to be like CC's, EE's and Kevin or Hannah. Now that was the last thing I wanted.

My family before number five

Apart from my Mom being pregnant I had an even bigger problem, no a huge problem…SCHOOL. I couldn't believe my parents were going to dump me in a native school when I didn't even know the language. The problem is that my school was only a block away from my apartment. Not only would I see my strange classmates all the time, I would see my teachers to. It couldn't have been any worse.

I remember it well, walking in with my parents. My teacher came up, she was pregnant too. Great, I thought all I need is more pregnant women in my life. She was nice but I din't know her or understand her. The worst was when my parents kissed me goodbye, I begged them to stay, which is the opposite of what I would have done if we were still in America. I think they were more nervous than I was about school. My Mom says it was the hardest thing she has ever had to do.

I would agree.

I remember locking myself in the bathroom at school. It was the one place I could be alone from the crazy portuguese kids, but once again I had to let that go. I realized I was here for a reason and locking myself in the bathroom wasn't going to get me anywhere. For the rest of the year I tried to learn Portuguese. All I wanted to do was to be able to understand them so that I could share with them in their heart language.

They say your fluent when you dream in another language. I remember waking up realizing I had been dreaming in Portuguese. It was like the clouds just parted and I could finally see the sun and the blue sky. I can't remember if I actually believed I was fluent or not, but I knew I was on the right track.

Now I am in high school yet I still look back to the fourth grade and think about what I would have been doing in America if I hadn't moved here. I wouldn't have learned that letting go means saying hello to something new.

24 suitcases and counting

Me after my first year